• Late Nite Jokes by Jay Leno:

    Virgin Airlines is opening a bank called Virgin Money.
    It's for people who've never been screwed by a bank before.

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    Congress is now considering giving $500 to every baby born in the United States as a way to promote savings.
    Is that a good idea? Have a baby, get $500. You thought a lot of illegal immigrants were coming here to have kids before?

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    Roman Polanski's lawyer says Polanski feels "depressed" in jail.
    Hard to believe that just three weeks ago, he was a happy, well-adjusted pedophile.

    -

    A man in Detroit is in trouble for swapping food stamps for Viagra.
    I wonder how it went with his wife, "Did you get the groceries?" "No, but look at this!"

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    A married Congressman from Florida, Tim Mahoney, is under investigation for paying $121,000 to his mistress to keep her quiet. Yesterday, it was revealed that he was having a second affair at the time.
    What kind of sleazeball cheats on his mistress...

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    Every president has their own governing philosophy: George Bush thinks government is the enemy, Barack Obama thinks government is a friend...
    And Bill Clinton thinks government is a friend with benefits.

    -

    It was announced today they gave the Nobel Prize in economics to two American economists.
    Really. How can we win that? We don't even have an economy anymore. Where the hell have these economists been for the last five years?

    -

    According to USA Today, cars are being stolen less often and are now at a 20-year low.
    Well, sure, it's hard to steal a car when the owner's living in it.

    -

    A study on teenage abstinence in sex education reports that more teenagers are wearing underwear that has the slogan "No Vow, No Sex" sewn on the underwear.
    Let me tell you, if your date is close enough to read your underwear, that virginity thing isn't going to last.

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    Officials in Castle Hills, Texas, are going to start charging people who call 911 in an emergency situation, a fee of fifty five dollars.
    Here's my question: if you are being robbed and you only have forty dollars ... what should you do?

  • Late Nite Jokes by Jay Leno:<br /> <br /> Virgin Airlines is opening a bank called Virgin Money.<br /> It&#039;s for people who&#039;ve never been screwed by a bank before.<br /> <br /> -<br /> <br /> Congress is now considering giving $500 to every baby born in the United States as a way to promote savings.<br /> Is that a good idea? Have a baby, get $500. You thought a lot of illegal immigrants were coming here to have kids before?<br /> <br /> -<br /> <br /> Roman Polanski&#039;s lawyer says Polanski feels &quot;depressed&quot; in jail.<br /> Hard to believe that just three weeks ago, he was a happy, well-adjusted pedophile.<br /> <br /> -<br /> <br /> A man in Detroit is in trouble for swapping food stamps for Viagra.<br /> I wonder how it went with his wife, &quot;Did you get the groceries?&quot; &quot;No, but look at this!&quot;<br /> <br /> -<br /> <br /> A married Congressman from Florida, Tim Mahoney, is under investigation for paying $121,000 to his mistress to keep her quiet. Yesterday, it was revealed that he was having a second affair at the time.<br /> What kind of sleazeball cheats on his mistress...<br /> <br /> -<br /> <br /> Every president has their own governing philosophy: George Bush thinks government is the enemy, Barack Obama thinks government is a friend...<br /> And Bill Clinton thinks government is a friend with benefits.<br /> <br /> -<br /> <br /> It was announced today they gave the Nobel Prize in economics to two American economists.<br /> Really. How can we win that? We don&#039;t even have an economy anymore. Where the hell have these economists been for the last five years?<br /> <br /> -<br /> <br /> According to USA Today, cars are being stolen less often and are now at a 20-year low.<br /> Well, sure, it&#039;s hard to steal a car when the owner&#039;s living in it.<br /> <br /> -<br /> <br /> A study on teenage abstinence in sex education reports that more teenagers are wearing underwear that has the slogan &quot;No Vow, No Sex&quot; sewn on the underwear.<br /> Let me tell you, if your date is close enough to read your underwear, that virginity thing isn&#039;t going to last.<br /> <br /> -<br /> <br /> Officials in Castle Hills, Texas, are going to start charging people who call 911 in an emergency situation, a fee of fifty five dollars.<br /> Here&#039;s my question: if you are being robbed and you only have forty dollars ... what should you do? : Shorten, Share, Bookmark